I share a lot on Instagram, especially on stories, yet somehow, some people are still misguided enough to ask me, “how do I do it all?” Or they’ll phrase it as, “I don’t know how you do it all.” Well, this post is my attempt to shed some light on that question or statement.
Yes, I’m a full-time-working, sometimes traveling mom. I also have a full-time-working husband who sometimes travels as well. Neither of our parents live in the same state as us, so calling grandma to hop over is not an option. To be fair, we do get some grandparent help, but it must be well strategized in advance, like a game of chess, not impromptu tic-tac-toe.
And I know there are people who have far more to navigate than we do. For example single parents, parents of children with special needs, parents of multiples and probably many other situations that I’m unaware of. If you fall into those categories, you have my greatest respect. I cannot imagine your unique struggles and nuances, but I’m amazed that you handle them, day in and day out.
How I (don’t) do it “all”
Well, let me start with eliminating the word all. I cut corners and let things fall through cracks all the time. It’s not that I missed the thing, it’s that I must pick what’s most important and let the rest go. For example, you all saw my car trash in last week’s post. Obviously, I’m aware my car is a disaster, but there are bigger priorities at hand right now. Also, currently, I have a performance review for work that was due last week. It’s still in my email, waiting for me to download and fill it out. I would tell you more of my work woes, but my boss sometimes reads this blog, so there aren’t any others. I’m a perfect employee. I’ll make sure to note on my performance review, when I finally get to it.
Our house also tends to be less clean than I’d prefer. Socks are perpetually missing partners, and as I type there is at least one container of yogurt in the fridge that’s over 3 months past its expiration date. I could continue with all the imperfections and unfinished issues surrounding my life, but you get the point.
How I do “it”, any of it, is something I can shed some light on.
Prayer
I know this can be a vague term, but I pray a lot. I’m currently inscribing the book of John and one of the biggest recurring themes I see is Jesus performing miracles. Over and over he can be found doing what we could consider the impossible, yet he makes a way. He turns water into wine, he heals a paralyzed man who couldn’t walk simply by telling him to “take up his mat”, he multiplies a small amount of bread and fish into food for thousands, he walks on water, he gives sight to a blind man and he raises his friend Lazarus from the dead. All this, and I still have 8 chapters left to write.
If there’s one thing that writing John has instilled in me, its that Jesus is not stopped by limitations. And do you know how Jesus does that? Prayer and being connected to the Father. Therefore, I pray. A lot. I pray little prayers like that my toddler-child will sleep through the night, and I pray big prayers like that God would heal a broken relationship in my life. I pray a lot of medium prayers too. Jesus can help me with all of it.
Sleep
Look, as a mom of a little, I get it, sleep can be tough to obtain. There are seasons that rob us of sleep. Things like teething, or – courtesy of daycare – hand foot and mouth disease, and just the good ol’ 3 AM poopy diaper. Gosh, sleep can be hard to get, but when I can, I sleep.
Most of us are very aware of the physical benefits of sleep, but I wanted to highlight some spiritual benefits of sleep. Until I read the book, Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren, I hadn’t thought of these. But Tish wisely points out that at night, “God is still at work.” She describes that he is “growing crops, healing wounds, giving rest, protecting, guarding, mending, redeeming. We drop out of consciousness, but the Holy Spirit remains at work.” Tish has a whole chapter speaking to sleep and spirituality and ever since reading it, I see sleep as more than important, it’s sacred.
Self care
If this word makes you want to roll your eyes, I get it. If there ever was a buzzword rolling around these days, it’s self care. But it’s important to note the difference between being self-focused or self-involved and knowing how to take care of yourself, so that you can best do the work God has allotted to you. I’m not convinced society always delineates the two, but let’s be mindful to do so here. For this post, self care is about sustainability. What do you need to do to keep pace?
When I think of self care, I initially think of manicures, haircuts and massages. And those things can count as self care, but they aren’t the definition of self care. Self care is simply acting on the intention to do something for you. It can be cheap: a $2.00 bath bomb, buying that book you’ve wanted to read, treating yourself to a good cup of coffee or a piece of that dessert you’ve been craving. All of those examples count. And even more, self care can be free: a phone call to catch up with an old friend, getting up early to catch the sunrise, or simply going to bed early because it’s exactly what you needed.
Another idea I want to add to self care, especially for mamas, is the concept of lightening your mental load. Everyday we carry an invisible mental load of plans and worries that can really impact our day. Rather than pretending to be an expert on this, allow me to point you to Denaye Barhona. THIS is her article on how to lighten your mental load. In addition she has a wonderful book called Simple Happy Parenting and a podcast. I recommend them all, especially if this concept of mental load speaks to you.
At the end of the day, it’s a dangerous and false idea that any one person can do it “all.”
Sure, social media can fool us. And there are plenty of products out there that would love to sell us the idea that their wonderful product can help us do it all, if we will only type in our credit card number. But the truth is we’re limited. We were created that way. We have one body with two hands, two feet, and even with those, most of us run pretty slow. I do anyhow.
The bigger challenge is not doing it all, but keeping in mind that no one does.
Until next week, cheers!
P.S.
Thank you for all of your messy car stories. Some of them had me laughing to the point of TEARS! Y’all are the best.
Calvonia says
I’ve been struggling lately about how to find time to write. I can’t do it all but as your post reminds me, I can prioritize what God has assigned to me.
Brittany Rose says
Yes! And you’re not alone in the struggle to find time to write.
Cindy says
Every time I read stories like this about motherhood I think about my own mother. As a mom of 10 children who also worked in & outside of the house, she was often asked how she did it. She was an amazing hard worker, but she too did not do it all. Even with help, none of us do. We also sometimes miss the mark on what we think is “most” important.
Brittany Rose says
Yes, agree. I don’t know what I would do with 10 KIDS!!
Cari says
I really loved your insights on sleep and how God is still at work while we are at rest. So helpful. Thank you.
Brittany Rose says
Yes, isn’t that just the coolest?? You would love her book, Liturgy of the Ordinary.