You can feel like a total failure at homeschooling/virtual school and still be a good mom.
And you can think “you’re the worst” at homeschooling/virtual school and still be a good mom.
Years ago, when I was only dating my now-husband I worked as an pediatric Occupational Therapist. I was crafty and creative and I enjoyed spending my days with kids with special needs. Because of this, I always assumed that when I did have kids of my own I would stay home with them while they were little. This was so obvious to me, I never questioned it.
However, soon after we got married we moved somewhat suddenly for his job. I found myself job searching which eventually led to me taking on a part-time role in medical sales. This was a new career direction, but I found I really enjoyed it. When our first baby was only 6 months old I transitioned from part-time to full-time. This was not something I had envisioned or sought out. It was just a lot of things that aligned at once: a good job (despite travel requirements), a good boss, and an opportunity the company needed fulfilled. When a lot of unlikely good things align, I view it as a God clue. Thus, I took on the huge responsibilities of being a full time working, sometimes-traveling and pumping mama.
Two and half years into that same full-time role, I found myself exhausted with trying to meet sales quotas and spending week nights in hotels, unable to tuck in my little dude. I knew it was time to make a change. Luckily, again, due to a good job and the same good boss I was able to stay with set company and transition back to a part time role. Another God clue, but this time in the opposite direction.
What I never saw coming, and what most of us never saw coming was how hugely corona-virus was about to impact our lives.
Within the span of only a few days I had made the decision to go part time, we suddenly lost all childcare and a few days after that we found out we were pregnant.
It felt as if a small earth quake had hit our lifestyle.
From March up until this Fall we were without childcare. I was, like many people, attempting to work from home, while babysitting or “homeschooling” if you want a super an optimistic slant on the what was happening, all while simultaneously befriending our toilette bowl almost daily as I experienced intense morning sickness well into the second trimester of my pregnancy.
(You can read more about what I’m doing different in my second pregnancy HERE.)
Here is what I realized during those rough months: my calling is not to stay home with my child.
Yes, I love my child. Additionally, I love spending time with him, and playing on the floor or even in the dirt with him. I have a passion, and even education and experience in child development.
It’s still not my calling.
This realization was so confusing and (sometimes still is) for me. Many times I’ve questioned if I’m a “bad mom,” when so many of my friends flourish in a stay-at-home-mom or homeschool-mom role. But over these few years of early motherhood, I’ve realized that it is OK to not be any of these things, even if at one time I thought I would be.
At the end of the day, thinking you’re a bad mom because you don’t have the same passions as another mom, is comparison.
And here’s the problem with comparison: God has very purposefully gifted us all differently (Romans 12:6-8) . So to draw conclusions from your own comparison is to listen to the enemy slowly whisper lies into your ear.
Don’t let him do that.
According to Jennie Allen, in her book Get of out Your Head, “the greatest spiritual battle of our generation is being fought in between our ears.” I agree! And in our social media oriented world that battle between our ears is often a product of comparison from a grid of someone else’s 9 curated photos. (More about Jennie’s book and my other fall mom reading recs are HERE).
So how do we stay away from believing lies about being a “bad mom” if we find ourselves hating something that seems to be another mom’s forte?
We listen to God’s truth every. single. day. We re-read Romans 12:6-8 which refers to many different giftings. We can also remind ourselves that Jesus used people with all kinds of careers in the bible. He himself was a carpenter, other disciples made tents, and fished. Luke was a physician.
And yes, women worked in the Bible too. Priscilla was an artisan (Acts 18:3). Lydia was a successful businesswoman and merchant (Acts 16:14). While we don’t know the exact job of the woman described in Proverbs 31, she did help provide for her household, have profitable “trading” and is quite crafty. You can read more about working women in the Bible HERE).
Next time you hear a small voice saying something about being a “bad mom,” remember this:
You’re actually a mom with specific gifts and talents who is doing life during a pandemic. Maybe that means homeschooling or virtual schooling and hating it for this current season.
Thats OK.
Also, if you’re reading this and if you’ve been struggling with these thoughts, here is my question for you. Could this post be a God clue for you? Something to ponder.
Until next time, Cheers!