Before I had Ray, I had an idea of what a mom looked like. She had a diaper bag that never ran low on diapers, included monogrammed burp cloths and at least a few travel-sized bottles of waterless Purell.
Well, I’m almost 3 years into this mom gig and let me tell you, this idea of having to be this mom who has it all together is a lie. Now, there’s nothing wrong with monogrammed burp cloths and Purell, but I’m just sayin’ if you’re like me and don’t have it all together, it’s OK.
In an effort to prove my point, consider this post a formal invitation to view the trash inside my car. Beware though, the contents of this car are probably enough to make Marie Kondo want to ditch her day job in exchange for the life changing magic of a few tequila shots.
First, let’s talk about the elephant inside the car:
Here’s the problem, technically my SUV has a 2 cup-holders. Someone, anyone, please explain to me what mom, or heck, living person, can get by with ONLY 2 CUP-HOLDERS? This is a flaw of the 2010 Hyundai Tucson model that no one seems to be talking about. No recalls or anything.
Thankfully, I’ve found the side-buckets on the inside of the doors can each hold anywhere from 3-4 cups. So with that adaptation I can comfortably fit about 10 cups in this car before things get out of hand.
Now, onto the tour. I’ve never done a post featuring my car trash before, but we read left to right so that seems like a good method.
Inside of Driver’s Door:
Cup 1: Left over bubble tea from…ok so, I can’t remember when I bought this. But it’s admittedly an addiction. And yes, I am aware of the girl in who had to go to the hospital for “100’s of undigested bubbles” clogging her stomach. But why, for the love, would anyone swallow those things whole? That would be missing the very essence of what makes bubble tea so fabulous and addictive in the first place. There’s something so gratifying about crunching those round tapioca pearls between your teeth, it’s like dipping a spoon in a fresh jar of peanut butter.
Cup 2: This is a plastic cup from my kitchen. Obviously, there just aren’t enough clues here to figure out its purpose. Perhaps it’s here to keep the remnants of the cup 1 and cup 3 company?
Cup 3: McDonald’s Happy Meal drink cup with some watered down coke. Look, I drive all over God’s green earth for my job. And by God’s green earth, I mean mostly Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and sometimes Florida. This translates to a lot of highways, trees and very long bridges. There aren’t always fresh organic salad bars around. So, yes, sometimes I eat Cheeseburger Happy Meals.
Middle Console:
Because this is the most functional cup holder in the vehicle, it will always be holding the most recent of drinking items and/or trash. Today it holds my aluminum cup which I used for my work-out on Wednesday. It’s currently Friday, and this cup is empty, so rest assured, unlike the bubble tea remnants, there’s no mold in here.
Also, in the middle console you will find 2 toddler granola bar wrappers on top of a plethora of used napkins. The granola bars were consumed by Ray one morning this past week, as he sat in his car seat while I rushed him off to school.
Inside Passenger Side Door:
Cup 1: Medium Styrofoam cup that once held a Chick-Fil-A lemonade. Also an addiction, maybe slightly healthier than bubble tea?
Cup 2 and Cup 3: A generic coke-a-cola styrofoam cup and a generic coffee cup. Again, generic cups just don’t give me enough clues. Also, my toddler-child woke up at 5 AM this morning singing songs to the entire household, so my brain definitely will not be able to retrieve where these came from.
On the floor over on the passenger side: resides a cute scarf I wore during my travels this week, as well as a electric car converter that used to be my best friend back when I was working and pumping. Oh working and pumping, you can read more about that in THIS post. Of course that baby is almost 3 and I stopped pumping when he was 11 months old. So yeah, it’s been a minute yet that thing has yet to be rehomed.
Back Seat
In the back seat: I keep a blanket which I occasionally use for my toddler-child when he is cold. And there’s a life jacket that lives back there. We live in Louisiana, you see, which is mostly one big swamp. I’ve already mentioned the many bridges, but the one I drive the most, the causeway, is 24 miles long with little to no shoulder. So basically, you never know when this life jacket may come in handy.
Also, I should mention the entire car is covered in a thick layer of crumbs, dirt, various flavors of gummy bears and the occasional medical device lingering from my day job. But I hardly notice all that at this point.
And no, I didn’t dare look under the seats, nor should you.
Surviving and Thriving
Despite all this car trash my family still manages to fall somewhere on the continuum between surviving and thriving. The indicator needle varies from day to day.
Yes, it’s true that last week my toddler child pooped in his closet while I was under the impression he was playing independently. But that incident aside, he makes it to daycare on time most days, gets a bath at least once a week and is fed multiple times a day. Most important he knows he is loved, which is a pretty big deal considering the amount of poop he left for me to clean up in his closet.
God also blessed me with a pretty cool day job as a medical sales rep and an even cooler husband who at 32 still loves putting together Legos. Because of all this, even on the most hectic days, my vantage point is a place of gratitude.
No one has it all together
Here’s the truth: no one has it ALL together. Not Marie Kondo, clearly not Martha Stewart (we all remember what happened to her) or that mom who home schools all 3 of her kids and doesn’t let them eat in the van. Sure, they may have a clean car, but they have their own struggles.
So next time you get in your messy car, remember this: at least you’re not going to federal prison. Wait, sorry, that’s not what I meant to say. What I meant was: 1. You’re in good company with that messy car and 2. You’re doing a great job, Mama, keep it up.
Until next week, cheers!
P.S. In case you’re concerned about Martha, don’t worry. She bounced back from the slammer just fine. According to the internet, her current net worth is approximately $800 million.