For weeks (OK, months) now I’ve been putting off sorting through Ray-Ray’s clothes. I’ve felt like all I’ve done since he was born is box up more things he can no longer wear, and yet we have arrived at that place yet again.
I could tell you I’ve been busy. Between full-time work, traveling, and laundry, I just haven’t had a chance to do it. And all that is true. But its not truth. And even though its only a difference of three letters, true and truth are very different.
The truth is, that even though everyone told me, “they grow up fast”, I’ve been too busy to feel it. Or maybe I’ve been ignoring it…I don’t know. But theres something about him turning two that seems to validate the whole growing up thing. Turning one felt so much more digestible (read it here).
Maybe its the fact that he’s growing out of his nick name of “Sweet Baby Ray.” (And, yes, we dressed him up as sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce on his first Halloween. See more here.)
Or maybe its the fact that he’s growing out of all these clothes…again.
And its not needing to buy more clothes that bothers me, its really not. Target is just down the street, but its the fact that we are out of bigger sized clothes. And there’s something tear worthy about that. Because since he was born, I’ve always had clothes set aside for the next few months.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful to have this beautiful healthy child. I know that much. But leaving baby-hood. Going from Sweet Baby Ray, to Ray-Ray (the nick name his class mates have given him) feels all too quick. Like somebody didn’t run it past me, and this whole thing remains unapproved.
I miss when he fit in his infant car seat. And when a bottle/boob held the solution to any upset. Now days upsets are many, solutions are few, and even the bottle will be chunked if needed to demonstrate his level of outrage.
In the midst of this great contemplation about Ray turning two, at a timely time, I listened to a podcast by Emily P Freeman called “Let Time Be Your Friend.”
Emily wisely says “maybe there’s an invitation here for us to welcome time as a kind friend rather than an enemy we’re trying to outrun. Maybe there’s an invitation for us to hold some sacred space to bear witness to the truth of our existence, to remember that we are small in the presence of God, and that is just as it should be to take the time that is given to us and to move with it rather than try to fight against it. O God, remind us of the gift of our boundaries.”
So as I dread folding up onesies and favorite 12-month-size footed pajamas, I am trying to make peace with time.
Its really not going well. Time has not become my friend or someone I would recommend for a job. Its a slow process, accepting this “boundary.” Actually, its a giant, messy, work in progress. Perhaps even a lost cause.
And that my friends is not only true, its also the truth.
Happy almost two years sweet baby boy. We all love you so. Someone check on me on May 2nd ok?
Also, you can read Ray’s puke-filled, “beautiful” birth story here 🙂
Cheers y’all. May time be more of your friend than it is mine.