Last week we started uncovering the little lesser spoken truths of motherhood, for example that it’s full of cold coffee. (You can read it HERE.)
Can you believe that of the million things the books mention, cold coffee isn’t one of them?
And cold coffee is an important thing to know. I surely would’ve appreciated a heads up on the fact that’s what I’d be drinking for the next…to be determined…number of years.
But cold coffee is only a small aspect of what we were never told about motherhood. There’s much more to unpack. However, before we venture forward, we need to take a second to back up.
TTC
Raise your hand if getting pregnant took longer or was more complex than you expected? I can’t see you all through this computer screen, but I’m pretty sure that makes a whole bunch of us.
For anyone reading who doesn’t know, in the internet world, the world which knows all, TTC means trying to conceive. And we need to talk about TTC for a second, because here’s another big secret: you don’t just get pregnant. Fine…I know, I know. Someone, somewhere out there is reading this and saying, “that’s not true, I did!” And to be fair, I’m sure someone, somewhere simply got pregnant. Or as British people like to say (insert accent) “fell pregnant.” Which is a favorite term of mine, because how do you fall pregnant? It’s literally impossible…but I digress.
The point being, statistically “just getting pregnant” isn’t the case.
I’m not about to break down the science on this because, well honestly this isn’t that kinda blog. All I want to say is according to THIS article even if you and your partner are timing things perfectly you have a 33-37% chance of getting pregnant. So, one third-ish on a good day. And even that is dependent on age, health status and probably some other factors like how good you are at yoga.
Personally, I think of TTC like playing one of those games that are usually lined up at the front of greasy pizza joints. You know those big clear boxes that house a silver claw hanging from the top of it? You play it by giving it a quarter and then try to use a joy stick to control the claw so it will grab a strange and likely reused stuffed animal. At first glance, you look at the game and you’re like, “oh, easy, no big deal.” But turns out those things are rigged! And no one took the time to warn you of how difficult it actually is to get that weird stuffed animal. And all of this just makes you want that stuff animal even more! You try and try, but many times you come up with nothing. Or in this case, a single line.
A Note on Infertility
Speaking of a single line, I want to give words to the 1 of every 8 couples who struggle with infertility (source is resolve.org). Because I’ve walked closely with several friends who’ve faced these struggles I know it’s a treacherous road cobbled with physical pain, emotional pain and no shortage of anxiety. And even though I have no answers, I want any woman struggling with this to know that you are heard and seen by a good God. There is NO divine reason for your struggle. Infertility is just one of many painful reminders that since the fall in the Garden of Eden we have lived in a broken in world with broken bodies.
May we who haven’t walked this road give you space to grieve and if you allow us into your story, may we grieve with you. If you want more resources on this infertility, THIS article outlines “12 Things Not to Say to Some With Infertility.” Also, the author of THIS article beautifully articulates biblical truths that she has learned through infertility.
But sometimes miracles happen.
Unexplainable pregnancies like when Elizabeth and Zachariah became pregnant with a child at a very old age. And let’s not forget Mary, who as a virgin became pregnant with Jesus! These specific examples are from the Bible, but miracles similar to this happen today. The womb is not beyond God’s reach.
Whatever the outcome of your TTC journey, the time you spend in this space is easily the scariest and most vulnerable of situations you may ever find yourself in. It’s scarier than any first day of school or stepping onto the scale after the Christmas holidays. It’s scary because we doubt if we have the ability to raise a human in this world that is a kaleidoscope of chaos, wonder, tragedy and joy. And even more, it’s scary because we are reminded during such a season that we are not in control.
In conclusion, I’ll share this short story.
Years ago when I worked as a pediatric occupational therapist there were a tribe of two-year-old triplets who visited our clinic weekly for therapy. One day the mom told us how she came to have triplets. “My husband and I eventually had to do IVF,” she said. “I told the doctors that no matter what I didn’t want was triplets. I demanded that they only implant two eggs. But what do you know? One of those two eggs split and here we are, triplets!”
Can you almost hear God chuckling in the background as you read this story? Not out of spite, but out of love. It’s ways like this that he gently reminds us His ways are not our ways. As Anne Lamott says, “What’s the difference between you and God? God never thinks he’s you.”
Until next week, Cheers!