I love newborn photos, I really do. But in the midst of all the beauty of a new life, it’s easy to miss the ugliness of postpartum. I mean, there’s a reason that photographer zoomed in so close on the baby and it’s not just because the baby is cute. Although, most babies are pretty cute, even the ugly ones. You know the babies I’m talking about.
The thing is, if she zoomed out, you’d see a mama who’s sleep deprived and is still not fitting into her skinny jeans despite the fact that Google swore breastfeeding would magically make the baby weight “fall off.” (Read my post on the lies of breastfeeding HERE.) If she zoomed out, you’d see a disassembled breast pump pieces in que to be washed. A pile of laundry and styrofoam take out containers stacked on the counter. You’d see how hectic and unphotogenic the postpartum season really is.
Postpartum, Too Ugly for TV
In fact, this season is so un-photogenic that an ad for frida mom, a company that sells “labor and recovery must haves’ ‘ was recently banned from airing during the Oscars this year. Of course ABC didn’t say, “we’re not playing this due to how ugly it is.” They gave it more of a politically correct explanation. That’s fine, but if you ask me, it was because the commercial was ugly. And the commercial was ugly because postpartum recovery can be ugly.
Our culture doesn’t love to bring up ugly. But guess what’s important to know when you’re in the season of postpartum?
That postpartum is Ugly!
When we took newborn photos, our photographer snapped this picture of Ray wailing for a boob. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but these days, this is one of my favorite photos. Why? Because in a reel of gorgeous newborn photos, this one shows what that season was really like.
Let’s just start with how hormones manipulate the body.
Did you know on average women who experience postpartum hair loss, looses an average of some 400 hairs per day? (Normal rate is approximately 80 hairs a day for comparison). You can find the article HERE. I read in another article to just use a “zig-zag” part to hide it. But, I feel confident this would only make me resemble a Chucky doll. And while hair, which you would prefer stay put is leaving your body at an alarming rate, other things that you would prefer to move along, (say bowel movements), aren’t.
Bowel Movements (or Lack there of)
“Don’t worry if you don’t have a bowel movement for a few days, that’s normal,” my labor and delivery nurse assured me after I gave birth to Ray. So I went on my way. We brought Ray home and began learning life with a newborn. Also, there were a lot of stitches, in a place you never want stitches. Because of the extreme pain (or a low tolerance for pain, I’m not sure which) I was popping Percocet like orange tic-tacs. Now if you’re a mom or in the medical field you probably know where this is going….
But I didn’t!
I was clueless. Until a few days later, when I felt like I needed to use the bathroom and all the clues were right there. It was clear: I was going to die. On the toilet. Just like Elvis.
Just before I bid farewell to my husband, I made a panicked call to my OBGYN nurse practitioner to see if there was any hope for me. Shockingly and thankfully, there was. I am writing this article today thanks to Miralax, stool softener and a saintly husband who was willing to make a dire trip to Walgreens to buy everything he could find in this category of remedies.
Here’s the thing. Even though I felt very alone on the toilet that day in retrospect, I know I wasn’t. Apparently anywhere from 25-50% of women experience constipation after giving birth. Constipation is just another one of those less than beautiful parts of the postpartum journey. The ones no one wants to talk about or acknowledge. The ones the producers of the Oscars don’t want interrupting their night of glitz and glam.
Postpartum is Ugly. Let’s talk about it.
Some people are talking about it though. Shedding light on truth. Amy shumer for example has posted multiple postpartum pictures on her instagram. They feature her pumping, rocking mesh underwear and even one on the grimacing on the toilet in her hospital gown with the caption, “milf alert.” I really have to give credit to someone that can find humor in such a season like postpartum. Despite the realness, (may I go as far to say ugliness?) of her photos, they average around half a million likes.
Also the Frida-Mom ad that was blocked from the Oscars yielded close to FOUR million views. Someone is watching the ad, someone is liking Amy’s pictures. If I had a guess, that someone is you, me and all the women who are cheering for honesty and real talk around postpartum.
It’s OK if it’s ugly.
Every mom in the world has experienced this version of ugly.
Let’s own it, tell it like it is, and if we can, let’s find some humor in it too.
Until next week, Cheers!
P.S.
If you haven’t seen it, you watch the blocked Frida Mom ad HERE.